My good friend has spent the majority of the past 2 monts in Taiji, Japan blogging about the dolphin slaughters...as with a few of my previous posts, this has absolutely nothing to do with the Seattle Mariners.
I'm sorry I'm not sorry.
Sidebar: Nintendo is the majority owner of the Mariners - guess where they're located, yeah...Japan. Accidental connection thy name is Mariners ownership.
The specifics of her blog aren't important, what's important is that it's important to her and you inconsiderate few haven't managed to rummage through the dusty attic, cluttered garage, and abonanded old shed of information that is the world wide web to find her message. Have I you ask? Additionally unimportant.
The matter at hand is that dolphins (who are porpoises and not fish) are being senselessly slaughtered. I'll leave the specifics to her but here's what I imagine you'll find should you visit her blog:
Dolphin Bomb Site Discovered:
The dolphins are exploding. Against their will and against common decency dolphins are being tricked, trapped, and treated like explosives. Using a tool devloped for marine mamalia warfare, the Japanese are using self-described "Dolphin Missles" to attract and murder each dolphin in cold blood.
The dolphins can be seen for miles around waiting outside of the missle/bomb testing site to get in. Like desperate sad bachelors waiting to get into the nightclub while their more attractive counterparts end their nights...and their lives early. Sounds of dolphin shrieks and explosions fill the air.
(Dramatic Pause)
This may sound funny, and indeed it is to write, but what is going on in Taiji is likely much worse and much less playful than the adjectives and colorful language I have chosen to fill the previous paragraphs.
To find out what is actually going on...
To help out my friend...
And to get these strangely cruel and fictitious images out of your head...
Visit - http://myporpoisedrivenlife.blogspot.com/
Final Thought -
Rest assured that while I know absolutely nothing about dolphins, in that respect my counterpart is my polar opposite.
Additionally, the senseless murder of dolphins is like rooting for the Yankees...it's just wrong.
Final Final Thought -
And you thought I couldn't connect dolphin slaughter to the Mariners....
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
There's Going To Be A "Die Hard 5"...
A Good Day to Die Hard.
That's the tagline. Who's excited?
I realize this has nothing to do with the Mariners, but it is great news, and as I share a similar enthusiasm for Die Hard as I do the Mariners, it felt applicable.
That's all for now, just thought you all should know.
Final Thought -
What kind of odds are we giving the exsistence of a Die Hard 6? Bare in mind Bruce Willis' age when making guesses. Furthermore, does that factor work for or against the possibility?
That's the tagline. Who's excited?
I realize this has nothing to do with the Mariners, but it is great news, and as I share a similar enthusiasm for Die Hard as I do the Mariners, it felt applicable.
That's all for now, just thought you all should know.
Final Thought -
What kind of odds are we giving the exsistence of a Die Hard 6? Bare in mind Bruce Willis' age when making guesses. Furthermore, does that factor work for or against the possibility?
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Friday, January 27, 2012
This One's For My Homies...
Baseball's a team game - that's the transition I'm going to use for this.
Let's just take a second and look at some other blogs from members of my 455 class, my team if you will (see what I did there?)
(and not because we have to, but because we get to damnit!)
After All...
I've selected four, for various reasons and in no particular order, so in order to keep things organized, we're gonna go list form in this piece:
1.) http://ursusinterruptus.wordpress.com/2012/01/27/instant-oatmeal-hacked/
Ursus Interruptus is a journey into a little bit of everything. If nothing else one will learn something - case in point - myself. I had no idea that people prepared Quaker Oatmeal inside of it's structurally unstable pouch until reading the above post. Kyle, on a personal note, you have blown my mind and forever changed the way I will use my microwave.
2.) http://cirquelikesdeadpokes.wordpress.com/2012/01/13/reflection/
The Bloggasaur appears at first glance to about that black smog that takes over Fern Gully, turns out it's not. But what it is about may just be better. The Bloggasaur tells us everything we might ever need to know about Pokemon. Enough said.
3.)http://idreaminmilligrams.blogspot.com/2012/01/because-i-stayed-up-until-3.html
Any blog that mentions "Even Stephens" and "Smart Guy" is ok in my book. (While I don't have a book yet it should be noted that on a list entitled "Unlikely Things for Me to Accomplish", writing a book would be below, assuming #1 was the least likely, hundreds of things such as, but not limited to, punching a shark and going into space. So there's a chance.) Embarrassment be damned. Nostalgia more than welcome is the calling card of this blog.
Was there any moment more moving than the show when Lizzy McGuire realized she needed her first bra? I think we all remember where we were when that went down.
4.) http://tommylammert.blogspot.com/2012/01/questions.html
Why Write? A question that I assume began plaguing mankind instantly upon arrival of the ability. I'm not sure anyone has ever come up with a definitive answer though in the above blog you will get one man's insightful and entertaining attempt to at least answer the question on a personal level. Whatever the reason, I think it's important to consider what a Kennedy might ask: which isn't so much why we write...but why not?
Final Thought -
Given the wide array of information I just put out into the universe, it only seems fitting, as an ode to all the blogs out there...
though they're not "breaking my heart into a million pieces."
Let's just take a second and look at some other blogs from members of my 455 class, my team if you will (see what I did there?)
(and not because we have to, but because we get to damnit!)
After All...
I've selected four, for various reasons and in no particular order, so in order to keep things organized, we're gonna go list form in this piece:
1.) http://ursusinterruptus.wordpress.com/2012/01/27/instant-oatmeal-hacked/
Ursus Interruptus is a journey into a little bit of everything. If nothing else one will learn something - case in point - myself. I had no idea that people prepared Quaker Oatmeal inside of it's structurally unstable pouch until reading the above post. Kyle, on a personal note, you have blown my mind and forever changed the way I will use my microwave.
2.) http://cirquelikesdeadpokes.wordpress.com/2012/01/13/reflection/
The Bloggasaur appears at first glance to about that black smog that takes over Fern Gully, turns out it's not. But what it is about may just be better. The Bloggasaur tells us everything we might ever need to know about Pokemon. Enough said.
3.)http://idreaminmilligrams.blogspot.com/2012/01/because-i-stayed-up-until-3.html
Any blog that mentions "Even Stephens" and "Smart Guy" is ok in my book. (While I don't have a book yet it should be noted that on a list entitled "Unlikely Things for Me to Accomplish", writing a book would be below, assuming #1 was the least likely, hundreds of things such as, but not limited to, punching a shark and going into space. So there's a chance.) Embarrassment be damned. Nostalgia more than welcome is the calling card of this blog.
Was there any moment more moving than the show when Lizzy McGuire realized she needed her first bra? I think we all remember where we were when that went down.
4.) http://tommylammert.blogspot.com/2012/01/questions.html
Why Write? A question that I assume began plaguing mankind instantly upon arrival of the ability. I'm not sure anyone has ever come up with a definitive answer though in the above blog you will get one man's insightful and entertaining attempt to at least answer the question on a personal level. Whatever the reason, I think it's important to consider what a Kennedy might ask: which isn't so much why we write...but why not?
Final Thought -
Given the wide array of information I just put out into the universe, it only seems fitting, as an ode to all the blogs out there...
though they're not "breaking my heart into a million pieces."
Thursday, January 26, 2012
It's Not Just A Game...
Candyland's just a game...a terrible game, but a game none the less.
No, you know what, Candyland isn't even a game, in fact it's barely even a thing, more of a fleeting thought.
That's for another time though.
I heard at work earlier this week that Billy Cundiff, the kicker for the Baltimore Ravens of NFL lore, was getting death threats. Weather that's true or not is unimportant for our purposes, in fact, to make the topic less taboo let's just say Billy was being threatened with bear hugs. Big ol' bear hugs from big ol' Ravens fans.
Let's assume that this premise is correct. For hypothetical purposes.
After hearing this most people would say that it's ridiculous. "How could anyone care that much about sports?"
I'm not here to justify the moron who threatens to bear hug an NFL kicker.
Let me say that again:
I'm not here to justify the moron who threatens to bear hug an NFL kicker.
But is it that crazy that people care that much about sports? It's practically programmed into fans from the moment they put on their teams jersey. Just look at how much players are paid. Look at how much tickets cost or how much apparel is. Clearly it matters. How could it not drive people crazy when a player makes a mistake?
Third times a charm: (Slightly modified)
Not here to justify morons.
People who say it's just a game are wrong. People can't play Pictionary with family members without wanting to kill each other. Family feuds are born and settled during backyard football. It isn't that strange to consider that people care way too much about professional sports.
If you miss a 32 yard field goal in your backyard...that's just a game. If you miss a 32 yard field goal in the AFC Championship Game, the stakes are a touch higher. That's why Cundiff doesn't have a whole lot on his plate other than kicking and why he probably got a scholarship and received an education on the strength of his right leg - because it is that important.
Bear hug important? Absolutely not.
But it's not just a game...
Final Thought -
Bono's actual name is Paul David Hewson and nobody has ever seen him without his sunglasses on.
No, you know what, Candyland isn't even a game, in fact it's barely even a thing, more of a fleeting thought.
That's for another time though.
I heard at work earlier this week that Billy Cundiff, the kicker for the Baltimore Ravens of NFL lore, was getting death threats. Weather that's true or not is unimportant for our purposes, in fact, to make the topic less taboo let's just say Billy was being threatened with bear hugs. Big ol' bear hugs from big ol' Ravens fans.
Let's assume that this premise is correct. For hypothetical purposes.
After hearing this most people would say that it's ridiculous. "How could anyone care that much about sports?"
I'm not here to justify the moron who threatens to bear hug an NFL kicker.
Let me say that again:
I'm not here to justify the moron who threatens to bear hug an NFL kicker.
But is it that crazy that people care that much about sports? It's practically programmed into fans from the moment they put on their teams jersey. Just look at how much players are paid. Look at how much tickets cost or how much apparel is. Clearly it matters. How could it not drive people crazy when a player makes a mistake?
Third times a charm: (Slightly modified)
Not here to justify morons.
People who say it's just a game are wrong. People can't play Pictionary with family members without wanting to kill each other. Family feuds are born and settled during backyard football. It isn't that strange to consider that people care way too much about professional sports.
If you miss a 32 yard field goal in your backyard...that's just a game. If you miss a 32 yard field goal in the AFC Championship Game, the stakes are a touch higher. That's why Cundiff doesn't have a whole lot on his plate other than kicking and why he probably got a scholarship and received an education on the strength of his right leg - because it is that important.
Bear hug important? Absolutely not.
But it's not just a game...
Final Thought -
Bono's actual name is Paul David Hewson and nobody has ever seen him without his sunglasses on.
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
At Least He Didn't Go To Texas...
For the better part of this off-season my friends and I have been anxiously watching ESPN, MLB Network, our phones, the internet, each other....for any sign of where free agent slugger Prince Fielder will land. Hoping against hope, wishing against wish that the destination would rhyme with Schmeattle.
I write this next part reluctantly and most regrettably; Prince Fielder is now a Detroit Tiger. For the low low price of nine years and 214 million dollars, the Tigers have locked up Fielder until 2020, when I presume hovering cars will exist.
Evidently last week when the Tigers DH (Victor Martinez) was training he tore his ACL, opening the door for them to sign the Prince and in turn tear the beating heart out of this Seattle fan's chest.
And now, in the only way I know how to deal with tragedies such as this, I will write an ultimately rhetorical letter to one Prince Fielder (who I assume reads this blog regularly).
As I'm sure you've assumed, this letter will be appropriately accompanied by the vocal stylings of Adele.
Play the following as you read.
Also, it couldn't hurt to read the letter in a Boston accent,
just seems cooler that way...
Prince Agamemnon Fielder (I took a shot at your middle name...warm or cold?),
You could have been something Prince, something pretty special. There's people in this town that cared about you pal, that thought you were gonna change things, thought you were gonna be somebody.
People said Safeco Field was too big for you? Said you weren't going to have the offensive output in such a large park? Nothing's too big for you, and, as a statement of fact, Safeco was built with George Kenneth Griffey Jr. in mind, a left handed power hitter not unlike yourself. Hence the placement of one, "Hit it Here Cafe" in right field, that, unlike this letter, is not a rhetorical sentiment. They do in fact want you to hit it directly into the cafe.
Additionally, one Russel Branyan had no difficulty hitting monstrous shots out of our "mammoth" park, and as you were hitting home runs out of Tiger Stadium as a nine year old, I can only assume you would have a similar output.
But you're a Tiger now huh? Following in your fathers footsteps huh?
Well in a final sentence defined by its use of commas, sarcasm, and flat out lies, I wish you nothing but the best in Detroit sir, I'm sure there are no foreseeable downsides to being the richest man in the most dangerous city in America, may your career not be plagued by injuries, unfortunately timed swarms of bees, allergic reactions to foods you normally love, and/or the random malfunctioning of all of your electronics.
Sincerely and without a tone,
A Mariners Fan
Final Thought(s) -
What is the actual point of stations like ESPN and MLB Network? I was under the impression, perhaps misguidedly, that they had actual information, not that they were simply sitting around the table shooting out hypotheticals. I do that on my own with friends.
Additionally, unless he has actual insight, I could go my entire day without hearing what mullet enthusiast Mitch Williams has to say on the topic.
I write this next part reluctantly and most regrettably; Prince Fielder is now a Detroit Tiger. For the low low price of nine years and 214 million dollars, the Tigers have locked up Fielder until 2020, when I presume hovering cars will exist.
Evidently last week when the Tigers DH (Victor Martinez) was training he tore his ACL, opening the door for them to sign the Prince and in turn tear the beating heart out of this Seattle fan's chest.
And now, in the only way I know how to deal with tragedies such as this, I will write an ultimately rhetorical letter to one Prince Fielder (who I assume reads this blog regularly).
As I'm sure you've assumed, this letter will be appropriately accompanied by the vocal stylings of Adele.
Play the following as you read.
Also, it couldn't hurt to read the letter in a Boston accent,
just seems cooler that way...
Prince Agamemnon Fielder (I took a shot at your middle name...warm or cold?),
You could have been something Prince, something pretty special. There's people in this town that cared about you pal, that thought you were gonna change things, thought you were gonna be somebody.
People said Safeco Field was too big for you? Said you weren't going to have the offensive output in such a large park? Nothing's too big for you, and, as a statement of fact, Safeco was built with George Kenneth Griffey Jr. in mind, a left handed power hitter not unlike yourself. Hence the placement of one, "Hit it Here Cafe" in right field, that, unlike this letter, is not a rhetorical sentiment. They do in fact want you to hit it directly into the cafe.
Additionally, one Russel Branyan had no difficulty hitting monstrous shots out of our "mammoth" park, and as you were hitting home runs out of Tiger Stadium as a nine year old, I can only assume you would have a similar output.
But you're a Tiger now huh? Following in your fathers footsteps huh?
Well in a final sentence defined by its use of commas, sarcasm, and flat out lies, I wish you nothing but the best in Detroit sir, I'm sure there are no foreseeable downsides to being the richest man in the most dangerous city in America, may your career not be plagued by injuries, unfortunately timed swarms of bees, allergic reactions to foods you normally love, and/or the random malfunctioning of all of your electronics.
Sincerely and without a tone,
A Mariners Fan
Final Thought(s) -
What is the actual point of stations like ESPN and MLB Network? I was under the impression, perhaps misguidedly, that they had actual information, not that they were simply sitting around the table shooting out hypotheticals. I do that on my own with friends.
Additionally, unless he has actual insight, I could go my entire day without hearing what mullet enthusiast Mitch Williams has to say on the topic.
Monday, January 23, 2012
Judging Books By Their Covers...
Ordinarily I hear you're never supposed to do this.It's frowned upon, taboo, and generally considered a misguided approach to choosing one's literary path.
In the case of Kate Beckinsale however, the approach couldn't be more accurate.
The approach is equally accurate in baseball.
Take a player, any player. Hate them, love them, never heard of them (We're excited the Mariners acquired Jon Jaso this off-season simply because we plan on calling him Jon Jaso Jinglehimer Schmidt...though it should be noted that is not also my name). It makes no difference, all that matters is that they're wearing your teams jersey. In the case of this writer...a Mariners jersey. Examples? Thought you'd never ask. I have plenty.
I supported Scott Spiezio for an entire baseball season. Loudly cheered for Jeff Weaver for another (Closed my eyes and climbed aboard the Dream Weaver train I had mistakenly hoped). Even dealt with Milton Bradley's anger issues for a season and a half, often defending him in arguments. (Truth be told he actually wasn't that bad in Seattle (anger wise). San Diego, Oakland, Texas, and Chicago may have their own story, but as far as the Emerald City's concerned...I expected worse.)
Why? Because the beauty of baseball, and sports in general is that winning is all that matters. Al Davis and later Snoop Dogg would reiterate that sentiment. As a fan I could care less whether you have a drinking problem on the three off days you have a month, if you're hitting 40 bombs a year, you have my written permission to drink a 40 bomb in the dugout.
Final Thought -
It's pretty crazy that they just told Pluto it couldn't be a planet anymore. But is that crazier than the government determining that pizza is a vegetable? And then depending on which one of those you think is crazier, is that crazier than the fact that the Three Six Mafia has an Oscar?
This is the Three Six Mafia -
In the case of Kate Beckinsale however, the approach couldn't be more accurate.
The approach is equally accurate in baseball.
Take a player, any player. Hate them, love them, never heard of them (We're excited the Mariners acquired Jon Jaso this off-season simply because we plan on calling him Jon Jaso Jinglehimer Schmidt...though it should be noted that is not also my name). It makes no difference, all that matters is that they're wearing your teams jersey. In the case of this writer...a Mariners jersey. Examples? Thought you'd never ask. I have plenty.
I supported Scott Spiezio for an entire baseball season. Loudly cheered for Jeff Weaver for another (Closed my eyes and climbed aboard the Dream Weaver train I had mistakenly hoped). Even dealt with Milton Bradley's anger issues for a season and a half, often defending him in arguments. (Truth be told he actually wasn't that bad in Seattle (anger wise). San Diego, Oakland, Texas, and Chicago may have their own story, but as far as the Emerald City's concerned...I expected worse.)
Why? Because the beauty of baseball, and sports in general is that winning is all that matters. Al Davis and later Snoop Dogg would reiterate that sentiment. As a fan I could care less whether you have a drinking problem on the three off days you have a month, if you're hitting 40 bombs a year, you have my written permission to drink a 40 bomb in the dugout.
Final Thought -
It's pretty crazy that they just told Pluto it couldn't be a planet anymore. But is that crazier than the government determining that pizza is a vegetable? And then depending on which one of those you think is crazier, is that crazier than the fact that the Three Six Mafia has an Oscar?
This is the Three Six Mafia -
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