Friday, March 9, 2012
Monday, March 5, 2012
The Envelope Please...
It's a virtual envelope in this case.
And virtual awards - blogging awards for the previously mentioned class I'm enrolled in. And as they are virtual awards they can be as glamorous or impractical as I deem necessary.
First up, presented in my imagination by the cast of the 'Jersey Shore' we have the award for the 'Most Interactive Blog'. The cast, confused by the meaning of this award decides to give it to Alison for her work on her blog 'I Dream in Milligrams' - mentioned on this blog before. Alison's unique topic as well as interesting take on it has lent itself to receiving this high praise - in this case a large aquarium filled with 5 poisonous but beautiful fish. She accepts willingly though her speech runs embarrassingly long and as such she is willed off stage rudely by the chorus of Run DMC's 'Walk this Way'.
Next, we have the award for the 'Most Improved Blog' presented by Macaulay Culkin as he appears the polar opposite of what the award represents. Jack will receive this award - a gently used Lincoln town car, as an ode to his numerous attempts to master the blogosphere. My count has him creating 4 different blogs this quarter, each full to the brim with inherent 'Jackness'. His creativity and ability to adapt and change along with his interests have gifted him the unique opportunity to meet a childhood hero.
The best 'Hobby/Specific Interest Blog' is being handed out by Wally Szczerbiak due to his innate specificity. Understandably the winner, Geoff, would be overcome with joy to know that his award is a lifetime supply of Boston Lager presented to him by Mr. Szczerbiak though wouldn't be sure whether to take the award as a compliment or critique as his blog 'Brewing Noob' had him wowing the internet with the do's and don'ts of home beer making.
(A Picture to Break up the Text)
Best 'Design/Visuals' award is presented to Maddie by the entire cast of 'Happy Days' for the design of her blog 'anatagazm: the body gets the mind all hot'. Her stunning use of visuals throughout her entries can only redundantly be described as stunning. The pictures used play an integral role in her message and the way in which they are displayed could additionally and comically be labeled as stunning. Maddie has likely never watched 'Happy Days' as it was before her time but her confusion quickly turns to elation when she realizes that her award is the entire wardrobe Queen Amidala wore in Star Wars Episode 1 'The Phantom Menace'.
The 'Most Likely to Succeed' award for the evening will and would be handed out by Angelina Jolie dressed as Laura Croft. Jolie will be handing the award (an exact replica of the Declaration of Independence written in Klingon) to Brenda (the courses instructor) for her blog 'Spa of the Mind' as her occupation and presumed continuation of the course would supply her with the necessary drive to continue blogging. Brenda's relaxed approach and the 'spa-like' atmosphere she has created on the internet are only missing a literal hot stone massage.
'Best Personal Blog' - this fictitious award show's final category should and would be won by one Kyle for his difficult to spell 'Ursus Interruptus'. The award would be the precisely weighed 27 pound gummy bear he recently described in his own post and would likely be as sweet as this victory. While I needn't justify my choice to anyone, I twill as an sign of my humbleness (?). I chose Kyle's blog because for one reason or another, when I find myself perusing the classes entries, I frequent his site the most. Finding the joyful messiness of the unrelated topics a perfect indication of why blogging exists. It exists for the self. It would appear that Kyle blogs for him, not for the majority and as such I have awarded him this completely non exsitant award.
Congratulations to Kyle, and all the winners. I know this was totally unexpected and will likely change the way you think about things - namely the important things. But in times of great success one can't forget where they come from. Don't forget that - or basic mathematics, that would be embarrassing at your age.
Final Thought -
My goodness this post is too long. It felt forced, and I don't enjoy that feeling. Perhaps we all need a little reminder of why the internet exists in the first place. That was quite a bit of reading after all. Why not listen to some refreshing local rap? Always cheers me right up.
And virtual awards - blogging awards for the previously mentioned class I'm enrolled in. And as they are virtual awards they can be as glamorous or impractical as I deem necessary.
First up, presented in my imagination by the cast of the 'Jersey Shore' we have the award for the 'Most Interactive Blog'. The cast, confused by the meaning of this award decides to give it to Alison for her work on her blog 'I Dream in Milligrams' - mentioned on this blog before. Alison's unique topic as well as interesting take on it has lent itself to receiving this high praise - in this case a large aquarium filled with 5 poisonous but beautiful fish. She accepts willingly though her speech runs embarrassingly long and as such she is willed off stage rudely by the chorus of Run DMC's 'Walk this Way'.
Next, we have the award for the 'Most Improved Blog' presented by Macaulay Culkin as he appears the polar opposite of what the award represents. Jack will receive this award - a gently used Lincoln town car, as an ode to his numerous attempts to master the blogosphere. My count has him creating 4 different blogs this quarter, each full to the brim with inherent 'Jackness'. His creativity and ability to adapt and change along with his interests have gifted him the unique opportunity to meet a childhood hero.
The best 'Hobby/Specific Interest Blog' is being handed out by Wally Szczerbiak due to his innate specificity. Understandably the winner, Geoff, would be overcome with joy to know that his award is a lifetime supply of Boston Lager presented to him by Mr. Szczerbiak though wouldn't be sure whether to take the award as a compliment or critique as his blog 'Brewing Noob' had him wowing the internet with the do's and don'ts of home beer making.
(A Picture to Break up the Text)
Best 'Design/Visuals' award is presented to Maddie by the entire cast of 'Happy Days' for the design of her blog 'anatagazm: the body gets the mind all hot'. Her stunning use of visuals throughout her entries can only redundantly be described as stunning. The pictures used play an integral role in her message and the way in which they are displayed could additionally and comically be labeled as stunning. Maddie has likely never watched 'Happy Days' as it was before her time but her confusion quickly turns to elation when she realizes that her award is the entire wardrobe Queen Amidala wore in Star Wars Episode 1 'The Phantom Menace'.
The 'Most Likely to Succeed' award for the evening will and would be handed out by Angelina Jolie dressed as Laura Croft. Jolie will be handing the award (an exact replica of the Declaration of Independence written in Klingon) to Brenda (the courses instructor) for her blog 'Spa of the Mind' as her occupation and presumed continuation of the course would supply her with the necessary drive to continue blogging. Brenda's relaxed approach and the 'spa-like' atmosphere she has created on the internet are only missing a literal hot stone massage.
'Best Personal Blog' - this fictitious award show's final category should and would be won by one Kyle for his difficult to spell 'Ursus Interruptus'. The award would be the precisely weighed 27 pound gummy bear he recently described in his own post and would likely be as sweet as this victory. While I needn't justify my choice to anyone, I twill as an sign of my humbleness (?). I chose Kyle's blog because for one reason or another, when I find myself perusing the classes entries, I frequent his site the most. Finding the joyful messiness of the unrelated topics a perfect indication of why blogging exists. It exists for the self. It would appear that Kyle blogs for him, not for the majority and as such I have awarded him this completely non exsitant award.
Congratulations to Kyle, and all the winners. I know this was totally unexpected and will likely change the way you think about things - namely the important things. But in times of great success one can't forget where they come from. Don't forget that - or basic mathematics, that would be embarrassing at your age.
Final Thought -
My goodness this post is too long. It felt forced, and I don't enjoy that feeling. Perhaps we all need a little reminder of why the internet exists in the first place. That was quite a bit of reading after all. Why not listen to some refreshing local rap? Always cheers me right up.
Sunday, March 4, 2012
Friday, March 2, 2012
Just Saw The Lorax...
Not like outside.
And not really by my own choosing.
My daughter "needed" to see it. Though I'm not really sure how badly a three year old can "need" anything. If she was forced to think about it for more than 30 seconds she might find herself not even "wanting" to see it. All things being equal though it wasn't half bad.
Weirdly both Taylor Swift and Zac Efron were in the film yet neither of them sang. Other people did, but they didn't. What's that about? Seems like a strange use of their talents.
Anyhow the Lorax provided a 2 hour vacation (I'm including travel time) from working on my final project which as far as any of you know...is going swimmingly.
I'm in the process of turning this blog into a documentary (or perhaps a rockumentary as I would greatly enjoy calling it) and have spent the majority of my time making my own "Completely Unrelated Video" which had, (until this past Sunday) become an integral part of this blog.
Well I shan't make a habit of being embarrassed in my own virtual tree of trust that is this blog. Shan't feel remorse for making the virtual neighborhood that is my readership wait for their unrelated video fix. The videos are a gift, and as this gift has arrived late (I shall pull a mid-90's and "blame the post office") I have no choice but to make it up to you in both quality and quantity.
"Friday's Completely Unrelated Video(s) of the Day"
And...courtesy of Brenda...
Final Thought -
Why is it that Rob Thomas felt the need to go "solo". He was already the front man for Matchbox 20, and as a solo act he still requires a band. Perhaps he was after fame.
Anyone know the name of anyone else in Matchbox 20?
Me neither.
And not really by my own choosing.
My daughter "needed" to see it. Though I'm not really sure how badly a three year old can "need" anything. If she was forced to think about it for more than 30 seconds she might find herself not even "wanting" to see it. All things being equal though it wasn't half bad.
Weirdly both Taylor Swift and Zac Efron were in the film yet neither of them sang. Other people did, but they didn't. What's that about? Seems like a strange use of their talents.
Anyhow the Lorax provided a 2 hour vacation (I'm including travel time) from working on my final project which as far as any of you know...is going swimmingly.
I'm in the process of turning this blog into a documentary (or perhaps a rockumentary as I would greatly enjoy calling it) and have spent the majority of my time making my own "Completely Unrelated Video" which had, (until this past Sunday) become an integral part of this blog.
Well I shan't make a habit of being embarrassed in my own virtual tree of trust that is this blog. Shan't feel remorse for making the virtual neighborhood that is my readership wait for their unrelated video fix. The videos are a gift, and as this gift has arrived late (I shall pull a mid-90's and "blame the post office") I have no choice but to make it up to you in both quality and quantity.
"Friday's Completely Unrelated Video(s) of the Day"
And...courtesy of Brenda...
Final Thought -
Why is it that Rob Thomas felt the need to go "solo". He was already the front man for Matchbox 20, and as a solo act he still requires a band. Perhaps he was after fame.
Anyone know the name of anyone else in Matchbox 20?
Me neither.
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Third's the New First...
Unless you're in the Olympics.
Or really any race.
Or subscribe to a linear concept of time and are looking at a calender.
In any case, for Ichiro the title of this post rings truer than his home phone being called by any number of third parties.
Ichiro Suzuki has been moved from the lead-off spot (where he has spent the majority of his 10 year career) to third in the order. How Ichiro takes this move could have a lot to do with how the Mariners fair this year.
And so I put it to you Mr. Suzuki (those who know him best know he likes to keep things formal) are you a glass half full or glass half empty kind of guy?
Do you still have a little Wang Chung in ya?
Why not party like it's 1999? (Or in your case 2001 when you took home both Rookie of the Year and MVP honors)
As for the other side of this proverbial coin. Chone (Sean or Shawn to those of us whose parents weren't drunk) Figgins will be the first to assume the lead-off responsibilities.
Now, Chone hasn't delivered so much as a pizza since he signed his 4 year, 36 million dollar deal with the M's two winters ago, but that isn't to say that miracles can't happen...right...right?
Final Thought -
Woopie Goldberg won an Academy Award for her performance in 'Ghost'. Clearly Kevin Garnett is right - anything is possible.
Or really any race.
Or subscribe to a linear concept of time and are looking at a calender.
In any case, for Ichiro the title of this post rings truer than his home phone being called by any number of third parties.
Ichiro Suzuki has been moved from the lead-off spot (where he has spent the majority of his 10 year career) to third in the order. How Ichiro takes this move could have a lot to do with how the Mariners fair this year.
And so I put it to you Mr. Suzuki (those who know him best know he likes to keep things formal) are you a glass half full or glass half empty kind of guy?
Do you still have a little Wang Chung in ya?
Why not party like it's 1999? (Or in your case 2001 when you took home both Rookie of the Year and MVP honors)
As for the other side of this proverbial coin. Chone (Sean or Shawn to those of us whose parents weren't drunk) Figgins will be the first to assume the lead-off responsibilities.
Now, Chone hasn't delivered so much as a pizza since he signed his 4 year, 36 million dollar deal with the M's two winters ago, but that isn't to say that miracles can't happen...right...right?
Final Thought -
Woopie Goldberg won an Academy Award for her performance in 'Ghost'. Clearly Kevin Garnett is right - anything is possible.
Sunday, February 19, 2012
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Who Here's Excited...?
Earlier this week pitcher's and catcher's reported to camp for the M's in Peoria, AZ marking the beginning of spring training.
What does that mean?
It's December 24th for fans of Christmas.
July 3rd for promoters of freedom and independence.
The third Wednesday of each November for supporters of tryptophan.
June 13th for proponents of oblong pieces of cloth attached to poles.
Ok, that's admittedly a flawed analogy but suffice it to say that the most wonderful time of year is upon us again: baseball season.
In honor of this most joyous occasion, I have decided to offer up some random thoughts I've been mulling over lately in an attempt to promote just how fantastic this news is. It's news so wonderful that anything goes. You, me, parents, uncles, auctioneers, weightlifters...we can all feel free to do whatever we like. That's how insanely wonderful I'm making this news. It effectively doesn't matter what I write about because baseball's back. Everyone has a clean slate, no team's in last, no team's in first. The Mariners, me, you...all of us have hope once again.
As we shove off on our voyage to what is likely 117 wins, I offer these insights into what I think about all day when I should be listening to professors, my girlfriend, and my daughter.
1.) If you were auditioning for 'The Voice', why would you not audition in a chicken suit?
2.) In a month that Subway has deemed 'Februany', how does Quiznos still exist?
3.) Why are car commercials the only advertisements where it's completely acceptable to openly lie? If the Toyota Tundra can't actually pull a jumbo jet, why are you showing me a Toyota Tundra pulling a jumbo jet?
4.) If I Google the word 'google', will my computer catch on fire?
5.) Why is it so socially unacceptable to like Creed and Nickleback? Don't get me wrong, I don't have any concert tees from either musical visionary but I also don't change the station when 'Photograph' comes on.
6.) Let's talk about percentages. No you did not give 110% random athlete. A brief visit to Wikipedia to look up percentages tells us that's impossible.
7.) Why was the first thing I was ever asked to do in a car - "perform a figure 8" shouldn't it have been "drive forward slowly"?
And finally, because why wouldn't I end this random collection of thoughts on number 8 -
8.) Movie previews should really use what they have going for them and stop with all the games. If you have Denzel Washington in your movie than that's it. Him standing, preview over. I don't need to know what the plot is. If he's in, I'm in. Same with Nicolas Cage, except the opposite, him standing, if he's in, I'm out.
Final Thought -
When was the last time any of us 'Unleashed the Dragon'? For too many of us I think it's been to long...let's remedy that friends. Because it just feels right.
What does that mean?
It's December 24th for fans of Christmas.
July 3rd for promoters of freedom and independence.
The third Wednesday of each November for supporters of tryptophan.
June 13th for proponents of oblong pieces of cloth attached to poles.
Ok, that's admittedly a flawed analogy but suffice it to say that the most wonderful time of year is upon us again: baseball season.
In honor of this most joyous occasion, I have decided to offer up some random thoughts I've been mulling over lately in an attempt to promote just how fantastic this news is. It's news so wonderful that anything goes. You, me, parents, uncles, auctioneers, weightlifters...we can all feel free to do whatever we like. That's how insanely wonderful I'm making this news. It effectively doesn't matter what I write about because baseball's back. Everyone has a clean slate, no team's in last, no team's in first. The Mariners, me, you...all of us have hope once again.
As we shove off on our voyage to what is likely 117 wins, I offer these insights into what I think about all day when I should be listening to professors, my girlfriend, and my daughter.
1.) If you were auditioning for 'The Voice', why would you not audition in a chicken suit?
2.) In a month that Subway has deemed 'Februany', how does Quiznos still exist?
3.) Why are car commercials the only advertisements where it's completely acceptable to openly lie? If the Toyota Tundra can't actually pull a jumbo jet, why are you showing me a Toyota Tundra pulling a jumbo jet?
4.) If I Google the word 'google', will my computer catch on fire?
5.) Why is it so socially unacceptable to like Creed and Nickleback? Don't get me wrong, I don't have any concert tees from either musical visionary but I also don't change the station when 'Photograph' comes on.
6.) Let's talk about percentages. No you did not give 110% random athlete. A brief visit to Wikipedia to look up percentages tells us that's impossible.
7.) Why was the first thing I was ever asked to do in a car - "perform a figure 8" shouldn't it have been "drive forward slowly"?
And finally, because why wouldn't I end this random collection of thoughts on number 8 -
8.) Movie previews should really use what they have going for them and stop with all the games. If you have Denzel Washington in your movie than that's it. Him standing, preview over. I don't need to know what the plot is. If he's in, I'm in. Same with Nicolas Cage, except the opposite, him standing, if he's in, I'm out.
Final Thought -
When was the last time any of us 'Unleashed the Dragon'? For too many of us I think it's been to long...let's remedy that friends. Because it just feels right.
Sunday, February 12, 2012
Friday, February 10, 2012
My Impression of a Russian Doll...
This blog inside of my blog shall be a blog about blogging in general.
It should be noted that while this blog has nothing to do with the blog topic chosen for this blog class at the beginning of this blog quarter, that this blog should, shall, and will be treated no differently than any other blog inside of my blog.
Like a Russian doll of awesomeness this blog evolves and morphs to fit the requirements of both this class as well as my daily mood as I see fit. In this moment in blogging time, we will ask ourselves, as well as anyone who cares to listen, things like: "can blogs be literature?", "what makes a blog popular?" as well as just taking a general over-arching look at "why the word 'blog' in itself sounds so silly".
Getting 'write' to the point (classic wordplay) - Blogs can be literature. Simple as that.
While I'm not an expert in the field, what does the word 'expert' really mean? I am at this moment the only contributor to this blog and in that respect the judge and jury of its content.
This is not a universal law however (not many of those exist). Not all blogs are literature - they all simply have the ability to be. We aren't all homeless, though inevitably we all have the potential to be - admittedly unrelated but equally true.
Take a blog we looked at earlier during our time together:
http://idreaminmilligrams.blogspot.com/
This blog could easily be transformed into published work. There's quite a readership out there for the thoughts of an insomniac. The topic is interesting, there's illustrations, and the content is essentially bottomless as it gains more and more traction with each sleepless night. There's hope to be found in the light-hearted nature with which the blogs commander in chief retells the crazy experiences of her forced subconscious and it is in the tone and writing style of the blog that the blog in turn finds its subsequent 'bloginess'.
http://design-fetish.blogspot.com/ - this blog on the other hand (we'll call it the left hand for imaginative purposes) probably couldn't be literature. I'm not going to go as far to say it definetly couldn't as Tom Brady was taken in the sixth round of the NFL draft and Kansas City still has a baseball team so clearly anything is possible, but I will say it would be a stretch. The style and content are pleasing, delightful, and even at times informative, but it's simply not the sort of thing that could be turned into literature. The creativity is in what the blog shares rather than the voice and experiences of the blogger themselves.
As for what makes blogs popular? As someone who lived far before I was born once said: "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder." They were right. Popularity can't always be explained. I think that clear passion and talent will eventually be discovered however. Applying that principle to blogging: if one is passionate about their writing and entertaining in their execution of it, they will, more likely than not build a following. If they don't it shan't be a worry for them though as they already have the ability and passion to carry on.
Followers should be the surprise at the bottom of the cereal, not the breakfast.
What?
You should buy the cereal because you like it, not because plastic binoculars are taped to the inside of the box.
What?
You should write because it makes you happy, not in some strange convoluted effort to 'win'. People follow stupid things all the time, one only needs to spend 10 minutes on YouTube to figure that out.
This blog has grown since it's inception (Leo) and will continue to evolve.
Science (and The Big Bang Theory) have taught me that evolution is essential to a species survival.
This blog is a species in this example.
Blogging keeps me fresh, keeps me honest, and allows me the rare opportunity to write without being bound by the classic restrictions of most college classrooms. Whether or not anyone reads this is unimportant. I certainly hope people do, but it isn't why I write.
I write to make sense of the nonsensical.
To put into words what would otherwise float weightlessly through the space in my mind.
To entertain both myself and any potential passers by.
Final Thought -
We were asked in our prompt to use our own blog in our discussion. What fun would that be however without sounding unrealistically vein and arrogant? We will never know.
Warning - bountiful amounts, nay alarming amounts of sarcasm to be used momentarily.
This blog on the other, other hand (assume some sort of surgery took place allowing this hypothetical hand to exist in line with both the right and left as we know them now) is a beautiful hybrid of the two. An impossibly individual marriage between internet banality and deeply meaningful writing. The ability to change lives, as this blog has undoubtedly done, however shouldn't be considered 'regular' or expected of any other location on the internet. Like an oasis in the desert this blog is a welcome respite from the otherwise useless opinions and ponderings of any number of sources one could get by simply 'Googling'. Modesty and self-awareness be damned. This blog is blogging. The question and the subsequent answer. Whatever you were/are/ or may in the future be looking for, you have found it here.
It should be noted that while this blog has nothing to do with the blog topic chosen for this blog class at the beginning of this blog quarter, that this blog should, shall, and will be treated no differently than any other blog inside of my blog.
Like a Russian doll of awesomeness this blog evolves and morphs to fit the requirements of both this class as well as my daily mood as I see fit. In this moment in blogging time, we will ask ourselves, as well as anyone who cares to listen, things like: "can blogs be literature?", "what makes a blog popular?" as well as just taking a general over-arching look at "why the word 'blog' in itself sounds so silly".
Getting 'write' to the point (classic wordplay) - Blogs can be literature. Simple as that.
While I'm not an expert in the field, what does the word 'expert' really mean? I am at this moment the only contributor to this blog and in that respect the judge and jury of its content.
This is not a universal law however (not many of those exist). Not all blogs are literature - they all simply have the ability to be. We aren't all homeless, though inevitably we all have the potential to be - admittedly unrelated but equally true.
Take a blog we looked at earlier during our time together:
http://idreaminmilligrams.blogspot.com/
This blog could easily be transformed into published work. There's quite a readership out there for the thoughts of an insomniac. The topic is interesting, there's illustrations, and the content is essentially bottomless as it gains more and more traction with each sleepless night. There's hope to be found in the light-hearted nature with which the blogs commander in chief retells the crazy experiences of her forced subconscious and it is in the tone and writing style of the blog that the blog in turn finds its subsequent 'bloginess'.
http://design-fetish.blogspot.com/ - this blog on the other hand (we'll call it the left hand for imaginative purposes) probably couldn't be literature. I'm not going to go as far to say it definetly couldn't as Tom Brady was taken in the sixth round of the NFL draft and Kansas City still has a baseball team so clearly anything is possible, but I will say it would be a stretch. The style and content are pleasing, delightful, and even at times informative, but it's simply not the sort of thing that could be turned into literature. The creativity is in what the blog shares rather than the voice and experiences of the blogger themselves.
As for what makes blogs popular? As someone who lived far before I was born once said: "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder." They were right. Popularity can't always be explained. I think that clear passion and talent will eventually be discovered however. Applying that principle to blogging: if one is passionate about their writing and entertaining in their execution of it, they will, more likely than not build a following. If they don't it shan't be a worry for them though as they already have the ability and passion to carry on.
Followers should be the surprise at the bottom of the cereal, not the breakfast.
What?
You should buy the cereal because you like it, not because plastic binoculars are taped to the inside of the box.
What?
You should write because it makes you happy, not in some strange convoluted effort to 'win'. People follow stupid things all the time, one only needs to spend 10 minutes on YouTube to figure that out.
This blog has grown since it's inception (Leo) and will continue to evolve.
Science (and The Big Bang Theory) have taught me that evolution is essential to a species survival.
This blog is a species in this example.
Blogging keeps me fresh, keeps me honest, and allows me the rare opportunity to write without being bound by the classic restrictions of most college classrooms. Whether or not anyone reads this is unimportant. I certainly hope people do, but it isn't why I write.
I write to make sense of the nonsensical.
To put into words what would otherwise float weightlessly through the space in my mind.
To entertain both myself and any potential passers by.
Final Thought -
We were asked in our prompt to use our own blog in our discussion. What fun would that be however without sounding unrealistically vein and arrogant? We will never know.
Warning - bountiful amounts, nay alarming amounts of sarcasm to be used momentarily.
This blog on the other, other hand (assume some sort of surgery took place allowing this hypothetical hand to exist in line with both the right and left as we know them now) is a beautiful hybrid of the two. An impossibly individual marriage between internet banality and deeply meaningful writing. The ability to change lives, as this blog has undoubtedly done, however shouldn't be considered 'regular' or expected of any other location on the internet. Like an oasis in the desert this blog is a welcome respite from the otherwise useless opinions and ponderings of any number of sources one could get by simply 'Googling'. Modesty and self-awareness be damned. This blog is blogging. The question and the subsequent answer. Whatever you were/are/ or may in the future be looking for, you have found it here.
Eventually the Sun Will Explode...
What if that was a reason not to do something?
There's this phenomenon in baseball that I don't understand.
Here's my humble attempt to explain it:
Every now and then a game will be a blow out, that is, the game will be won before it is technically won for one of the two teams involved.
Let's say for arguments sake the aforementioned team is up by 9.
Furthermore, it's the ninth inning.
So, to summarize so far; one team up by 9 runs in the final inning of play.
Additionally hypothetically, there's 1 out and a man on first.
In this hypothetical situation the runner on first attempts to steal second on the 1-1 pitch to the current batter. (It doesn't have to be the 1-1 pitch but that just paints a more vivid image now doesn't it?)
The catcher, upon receiving the 1-1 pitch (a ball in this instance) does not attempt to throw the runner out at second. This is due to an unwritten rule titled (I believe) defensive indifference.
(Note: This may or may not be the name of this phenomenon but I'm not feeling up to Googling things at the moment, you are of course welcome to, but the fact will remain unchanged by the use of its proper title.)
In any case no attempt is made to throw out the runner. He is not granted a stolen base (statistically speaking) Nor are any of the catcher's statistics affected. He is simply a man, standing on second base rather than first for no real reason other than to decrease the likelihood of a potential double play. He is admittedly geographically closer to home as the path of the baseline permits, however is more literally no closer to victory than he was standing on first. At least that's what the unwritten rule would have you believe.
And it may very well be true. In the grand scheme of things that run probably doesn't mean anything and will likely not be the first brick which is layeth down during the oppositions ultimate construction of victory. However, one could argue (and I would like to...fervently if anyone would listen) that the catcher only stands to benefit from attempting to throw him out.
Worse case scenario: You throw the ball over second base and into center field. The runner advances to third. Maybe even scores. Who cares? The unwritten rule states the run doesn't matter. And so it shall be so. What's the difference if he scores now or later?
Best case scenario: You throw him out at second. Win the game, which ends earlier as a result of your heroics (you being the catcher) and you go on to both meet the woman of your dreams and discover an alien life form with mental capacity and bone structure similar to ours thanks to circumstances completely related to that seemingly insignificant decision to simply throw the ball to second.
Final Thought -
The Channel Catfish is the state fish of Nebraska.
In other news, the Channel Catfish is the state fish of Missouri.
...
What's that about...?
There's this phenomenon in baseball that I don't understand.
Here's my humble attempt to explain it:
Every now and then a game will be a blow out, that is, the game will be won before it is technically won for one of the two teams involved.
Let's say for arguments sake the aforementioned team is up by 9.
Furthermore, it's the ninth inning.
So, to summarize so far; one team up by 9 runs in the final inning of play.
Additionally hypothetically, there's 1 out and a man on first.
In this hypothetical situation the runner on first attempts to steal second on the 1-1 pitch to the current batter. (It doesn't have to be the 1-1 pitch but that just paints a more vivid image now doesn't it?)
The catcher, upon receiving the 1-1 pitch (a ball in this instance) does not attempt to throw the runner out at second. This is due to an unwritten rule titled (I believe) defensive indifference.
(Note: This may or may not be the name of this phenomenon but I'm not feeling up to Googling things at the moment, you are of course welcome to, but the fact will remain unchanged by the use of its proper title.)
In any case no attempt is made to throw out the runner. He is not granted a stolen base (statistically speaking) Nor are any of the catcher's statistics affected. He is simply a man, standing on second base rather than first for no real reason other than to decrease the likelihood of a potential double play. He is admittedly geographically closer to home as the path of the baseline permits, however is more literally no closer to victory than he was standing on first. At least that's what the unwritten rule would have you believe.
And it may very well be true. In the grand scheme of things that run probably doesn't mean anything and will likely not be the first brick which is layeth down during the oppositions ultimate construction of victory. However, one could argue (and I would like to...fervently if anyone would listen) that the catcher only stands to benefit from attempting to throw him out.
Worse case scenario: You throw the ball over second base and into center field. The runner advances to third. Maybe even scores. Who cares? The unwritten rule states the run doesn't matter. And so it shall be so. What's the difference if he scores now or later?
Best case scenario: You throw him out at second. Win the game, which ends earlier as a result of your heroics (you being the catcher) and you go on to both meet the woman of your dreams and discover an alien life form with mental capacity and bone structure similar to ours thanks to circumstances completely related to that seemingly insignificant decision to simply throw the ball to second.
Final Thought -
The Channel Catfish is the state fish of Nebraska.
In other news, the Channel Catfish is the state fish of Missouri.
...
What's that about...?
Sunday, February 5, 2012
Let's Talk About This...
This is exactly why the World Series doesn't have a half time.
This is precisely why Baseball in general doesn't have a half time.
This is also, most importantly, why the Super Bowl should absolutely get rid of their half time.
At least the show portion.
How long do UFC fights take? Replace it with that. Most don't take more than a half hour. Everyone wins.
Here's the problem:
Ever since Justin Timberlake tore an irrelevant Janet Jackson's top off, it seems like the NFL has been scurred (street for scared) to book anyone who wasn't famous later than the 80's. Bruce Springsteen? Tom Petty? The Stones? Madonna? (I realize the Black Eyed Peas performed last year but that was the exception, certainly not the rule)
Watching Madonna hobble around the stage while lip-sinking "Vogue" was entertaining...sure. But for all the wrong reasons. The headliner at the "Super Bowl" shouldn't need their back-up dancers help them not fall over. And everyone watching shouldn't have to call their parents for insight into when and why the entertainer was last relevant.
If you insist on sticking with the musical performance rather than employing the services of the Ultimate Fighting Championship I suggest one rule:
The performer(s) must have a top 50 hit in the last year.
That shouldn't be too difficult. Supposedly the Super Bowl's a pretty big deal.
Final Thought -
How random was it that at the end of Madonna's "performance" the words "World Peace" appeared lit up on the field. Good advice. I'm just not sure of the connection. And hell, if connection isn't important, why not have other random helpful tips pop up during the concert.
I love the idea of having "Don't Drink Milk After You Brush Your Teeth." in big bright lights scrolling across the field.
That would make just as much sense.
This is precisely why Baseball in general doesn't have a half time.
This is also, most importantly, why the Super Bowl should absolutely get rid of their half time.
At least the show portion.
How long do UFC fights take? Replace it with that. Most don't take more than a half hour. Everyone wins.
Here's the problem:
Ever since Justin Timberlake tore an irrelevant Janet Jackson's top off, it seems like the NFL has been scurred (street for scared) to book anyone who wasn't famous later than the 80's. Bruce Springsteen? Tom Petty? The Stones? Madonna? (I realize the Black Eyed Peas performed last year but that was the exception, certainly not the rule)
Watching Madonna hobble around the stage while lip-sinking "Vogue" was entertaining...sure. But for all the wrong reasons. The headliner at the "Super Bowl" shouldn't need their back-up dancers help them not fall over. And everyone watching shouldn't have to call their parents for insight into when and why the entertainer was last relevant.
If you insist on sticking with the musical performance rather than employing the services of the Ultimate Fighting Championship I suggest one rule:
The performer(s) must have a top 50 hit in the last year.
That shouldn't be too difficult. Supposedly the Super Bowl's a pretty big deal.
Final Thought -
How random was it that at the end of Madonna's "performance" the words "World Peace" appeared lit up on the field. Good advice. I'm just not sure of the connection. And hell, if connection isn't important, why not have other random helpful tips pop up during the concert.
I love the idea of having "Don't Drink Milk After You Brush Your Teeth." in big bright lights scrolling across the field.
That would make just as much sense.
Thursday, February 2, 2012
I Don't Know What I'm Talking About...
That's important to remember when reading this.
Having said that, for the next few minutes I'm going to pretend to understand the business of baseball. The ins and outs of upper management, ownership, and what exactly it takes to put fans in the stands and a winning product on the field.
By now as an avid reader of my blog you know that the Mariners haven't been successful (in the classical sense of the word) in quite some time. You know that this off-season we missed out on the big free-agent prize that was Prince Fielder and you know that I was personally in the stands when the Mariners set the wrong end of their attendance record. It would seem easy to see that something needs to change.
A few years ago when the Tampa Bay Devil Rays changed their name from that to the now Tampa Bay Rays it was because of a change in leadership (whether they got a new owner, new gm, or new shift managers at the concessions I don't recall) but with the change in their name, from "feared sea creature" to "optimistic beam of light" came other changes.
Tampa Bay is in a much smaller market than Seattle, or more importantly than their division rivals, (and enemies of the state) the Red Sox and Yankees. So to compete attendance wise they made a small change that appeared to work out quite well for them.
They made parking free.
Like the nice parking, the kind right next to the stadium, the kind that'll cost you a fresh, crisp Mr. Jackson in our Emerald City.
Now, is that the reason they made it to the World Series that year? Probably. Yes.
Connecting the dots I think we can all see where I'm going with this. Now, I am by no means suggesting that we plagiarize the Rays idea and make parking free. Clearly the overpriced food and seats aren't paying the overwhelming electric bill.
But I think a similar idea would speak volumes and wouldn't necessarily cost the team all that much money.
Let's assume for a second that the team gave away tickets to a game. Just gave them away. No charge. Rather than receiving payment from 18,000 fans on a Tuesday night (which is when this is taking place in my head) you would let 45,000 fans in for free. Let's assume at least half of them pay for parking and nearly all of them buy at least one item at the stadium (probably not that far off considering nobody paid to get in) You couldn't be that far off what you made hosting only 18,000 fans, with the added bonus of having a sold-out (gave-away-out?) stadium and the moral boost that gives to the team.
I'm certain there are holes. But I'm not certain what they are.
If you're listening Mariners. It's an idea.
Final Thought -
I would expect no compensation from the Mariners for this idea, simply a thank you along with my free ticket like everyone else.
Oh, and you're welcome Seattle.
Having said that, for the next few minutes I'm going to pretend to understand the business of baseball. The ins and outs of upper management, ownership, and what exactly it takes to put fans in the stands and a winning product on the field.
By now as an avid reader of my blog you know that the Mariners haven't been successful (in the classical sense of the word) in quite some time. You know that this off-season we missed out on the big free-agent prize that was Prince Fielder and you know that I was personally in the stands when the Mariners set the wrong end of their attendance record. It would seem easy to see that something needs to change.
A few years ago when the Tampa Bay Devil Rays changed their name from that to the now Tampa Bay Rays it was because of a change in leadership (whether they got a new owner, new gm, or new shift managers at the concessions I don't recall) but with the change in their name, from "feared sea creature" to "optimistic beam of light" came other changes.
Tampa Bay is in a much smaller market than Seattle, or more importantly than their division rivals, (and enemies of the state) the Red Sox and Yankees. So to compete attendance wise they made a small change that appeared to work out quite well for them.
They made parking free.
Like the nice parking, the kind right next to the stadium, the kind that'll cost you a fresh, crisp Mr. Jackson in our Emerald City.
Now, is that the reason they made it to the World Series that year? Probably. Yes.
Connecting the dots I think we can all see where I'm going with this. Now, I am by no means suggesting that we plagiarize the Rays idea and make parking free. Clearly the overpriced food and seats aren't paying the overwhelming electric bill.
But I think a similar idea would speak volumes and wouldn't necessarily cost the team all that much money.
Let's assume for a second that the team gave away tickets to a game. Just gave them away. No charge. Rather than receiving payment from 18,000 fans on a Tuesday night (which is when this is taking place in my head) you would let 45,000 fans in for free. Let's assume at least half of them pay for parking and nearly all of them buy at least one item at the stadium (probably not that far off considering nobody paid to get in) You couldn't be that far off what you made hosting only 18,000 fans, with the added bonus of having a sold-out (gave-away-out?) stadium and the moral boost that gives to the team.
I'm certain there are holes. But I'm not certain what they are.
If you're listening Mariners. It's an idea.
Final Thought -
I would expect no compensation from the Mariners for this idea, simply a thank you along with my free ticket like everyone else.
Oh, and you're welcome Seattle.
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Dolphins are Exploding...
My good friend has spent the majority of the past 2 monts in Taiji, Japan blogging about the dolphin slaughters...as with a few of my previous posts, this has absolutely nothing to do with the Seattle Mariners.
I'm sorry I'm not sorry.
Sidebar: Nintendo is the majority owner of the Mariners - guess where they're located, yeah...Japan. Accidental connection thy name is Mariners ownership.
The specifics of her blog aren't important, what's important is that it's important to her and you inconsiderate few haven't managed to rummage through the dusty attic, cluttered garage, and abonanded old shed of information that is the world wide web to find her message. Have I you ask? Additionally unimportant.
The matter at hand is that dolphins (who are porpoises and not fish) are being senselessly slaughtered. I'll leave the specifics to her but here's what I imagine you'll find should you visit her blog:
Dolphin Bomb Site Discovered:
The dolphins are exploding. Against their will and against common decency dolphins are being tricked, trapped, and treated like explosives. Using a tool devloped for marine mamalia warfare, the Japanese are using self-described "Dolphin Missles" to attract and murder each dolphin in cold blood.
The dolphins can be seen for miles around waiting outside of the missle/bomb testing site to get in. Like desperate sad bachelors waiting to get into the nightclub while their more attractive counterparts end their nights...and their lives early. Sounds of dolphin shrieks and explosions fill the air.
(Dramatic Pause)
This may sound funny, and indeed it is to write, but what is going on in Taiji is likely much worse and much less playful than the adjectives and colorful language I have chosen to fill the previous paragraphs.
To find out what is actually going on...
To help out my friend...
And to get these strangely cruel and fictitious images out of your head...
Visit - http://myporpoisedrivenlife.blogspot.com/
Final Thought -
Rest assured that while I know absolutely nothing about dolphins, in that respect my counterpart is my polar opposite.
Additionally, the senseless murder of dolphins is like rooting for the Yankees...it's just wrong.
Final Final Thought -
And you thought I couldn't connect dolphin slaughter to the Mariners....
I'm sorry I'm not sorry.
Sidebar: Nintendo is the majority owner of the Mariners - guess where they're located, yeah...Japan. Accidental connection thy name is Mariners ownership.
The specifics of her blog aren't important, what's important is that it's important to her and you inconsiderate few haven't managed to rummage through the dusty attic, cluttered garage, and abonanded old shed of information that is the world wide web to find her message. Have I you ask? Additionally unimportant.
The matter at hand is that dolphins (who are porpoises and not fish) are being senselessly slaughtered. I'll leave the specifics to her but here's what I imagine you'll find should you visit her blog:
Dolphin Bomb Site Discovered:
The dolphins are exploding. Against their will and against common decency dolphins are being tricked, trapped, and treated like explosives. Using a tool devloped for marine mamalia warfare, the Japanese are using self-described "Dolphin Missles" to attract and murder each dolphin in cold blood.
The dolphins can be seen for miles around waiting outside of the missle/bomb testing site to get in. Like desperate sad bachelors waiting to get into the nightclub while their more attractive counterparts end their nights...and their lives early. Sounds of dolphin shrieks and explosions fill the air.
(Dramatic Pause)
This may sound funny, and indeed it is to write, but what is going on in Taiji is likely much worse and much less playful than the adjectives and colorful language I have chosen to fill the previous paragraphs.
To find out what is actually going on...
To help out my friend...
And to get these strangely cruel and fictitious images out of your head...
Visit - http://myporpoisedrivenlife.blogspot.com/
Final Thought -
Rest assured that while I know absolutely nothing about dolphins, in that respect my counterpart is my polar opposite.
Additionally, the senseless murder of dolphins is like rooting for the Yankees...it's just wrong.
Final Final Thought -
And you thought I couldn't connect dolphin slaughter to the Mariners....
There's Going To Be A "Die Hard 5"...
A Good Day to Die Hard.
That's the tagline. Who's excited?
I realize this has nothing to do with the Mariners, but it is great news, and as I share a similar enthusiasm for Die Hard as I do the Mariners, it felt applicable.
That's all for now, just thought you all should know.
Final Thought -
What kind of odds are we giving the exsistence of a Die Hard 6? Bare in mind Bruce Willis' age when making guesses. Furthermore, does that factor work for or against the possibility?
That's the tagline. Who's excited?
I realize this has nothing to do with the Mariners, but it is great news, and as I share a similar enthusiasm for Die Hard as I do the Mariners, it felt applicable.
That's all for now, just thought you all should know.
Final Thought -
What kind of odds are we giving the exsistence of a Die Hard 6? Bare in mind Bruce Willis' age when making guesses. Furthermore, does that factor work for or against the possibility?
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Friday, January 27, 2012
This One's For My Homies...
Baseball's a team game - that's the transition I'm going to use for this.
Let's just take a second and look at some other blogs from members of my 455 class, my team if you will (see what I did there?)
(and not because we have to, but because we get to damnit!)
After All...
I've selected four, for various reasons and in no particular order, so in order to keep things organized, we're gonna go list form in this piece:
1.) http://ursusinterruptus.wordpress.com/2012/01/27/instant-oatmeal-hacked/
Ursus Interruptus is a journey into a little bit of everything. If nothing else one will learn something - case in point - myself. I had no idea that people prepared Quaker Oatmeal inside of it's structurally unstable pouch until reading the above post. Kyle, on a personal note, you have blown my mind and forever changed the way I will use my microwave.
2.) http://cirquelikesdeadpokes.wordpress.com/2012/01/13/reflection/
The Bloggasaur appears at first glance to about that black smog that takes over Fern Gully, turns out it's not. But what it is about may just be better. The Bloggasaur tells us everything we might ever need to know about Pokemon. Enough said.
3.)http://idreaminmilligrams.blogspot.com/2012/01/because-i-stayed-up-until-3.html
Any blog that mentions "Even Stephens" and "Smart Guy" is ok in my book. (While I don't have a book yet it should be noted that on a list entitled "Unlikely Things for Me to Accomplish", writing a book would be below, assuming #1 was the least likely, hundreds of things such as, but not limited to, punching a shark and going into space. So there's a chance.) Embarrassment be damned. Nostalgia more than welcome is the calling card of this blog.
Was there any moment more moving than the show when Lizzy McGuire realized she needed her first bra? I think we all remember where we were when that went down.
4.) http://tommylammert.blogspot.com/2012/01/questions.html
Why Write? A question that I assume began plaguing mankind instantly upon arrival of the ability. I'm not sure anyone has ever come up with a definitive answer though in the above blog you will get one man's insightful and entertaining attempt to at least answer the question on a personal level. Whatever the reason, I think it's important to consider what a Kennedy might ask: which isn't so much why we write...but why not?
Final Thought -
Given the wide array of information I just put out into the universe, it only seems fitting, as an ode to all the blogs out there...
though they're not "breaking my heart into a million pieces."
Let's just take a second and look at some other blogs from members of my 455 class, my team if you will (see what I did there?)
(and not because we have to, but because we get to damnit!)
After All...
I've selected four, for various reasons and in no particular order, so in order to keep things organized, we're gonna go list form in this piece:
1.) http://ursusinterruptus.wordpress.com/2012/01/27/instant-oatmeal-hacked/
Ursus Interruptus is a journey into a little bit of everything. If nothing else one will learn something - case in point - myself. I had no idea that people prepared Quaker Oatmeal inside of it's structurally unstable pouch until reading the above post. Kyle, on a personal note, you have blown my mind and forever changed the way I will use my microwave.
2.) http://cirquelikesdeadpokes.wordpress.com/2012/01/13/reflection/
The Bloggasaur appears at first glance to about that black smog that takes over Fern Gully, turns out it's not. But what it is about may just be better. The Bloggasaur tells us everything we might ever need to know about Pokemon. Enough said.
3.)http://idreaminmilligrams.blogspot.com/2012/01/because-i-stayed-up-until-3.html
Any blog that mentions "Even Stephens" and "Smart Guy" is ok in my book. (While I don't have a book yet it should be noted that on a list entitled "Unlikely Things for Me to Accomplish", writing a book would be below, assuming #1 was the least likely, hundreds of things such as, but not limited to, punching a shark and going into space. So there's a chance.) Embarrassment be damned. Nostalgia more than welcome is the calling card of this blog.
Was there any moment more moving than the show when Lizzy McGuire realized she needed her first bra? I think we all remember where we were when that went down.
4.) http://tommylammert.blogspot.com/2012/01/questions.html
Why Write? A question that I assume began plaguing mankind instantly upon arrival of the ability. I'm not sure anyone has ever come up with a definitive answer though in the above blog you will get one man's insightful and entertaining attempt to at least answer the question on a personal level. Whatever the reason, I think it's important to consider what a Kennedy might ask: which isn't so much why we write...but why not?
Final Thought -
Given the wide array of information I just put out into the universe, it only seems fitting, as an ode to all the blogs out there...
though they're not "breaking my heart into a million pieces."
Thursday, January 26, 2012
It's Not Just A Game...
Candyland's just a game...a terrible game, but a game none the less.
No, you know what, Candyland isn't even a game, in fact it's barely even a thing, more of a fleeting thought.
That's for another time though.
I heard at work earlier this week that Billy Cundiff, the kicker for the Baltimore Ravens of NFL lore, was getting death threats. Weather that's true or not is unimportant for our purposes, in fact, to make the topic less taboo let's just say Billy was being threatened with bear hugs. Big ol' bear hugs from big ol' Ravens fans.
Let's assume that this premise is correct. For hypothetical purposes.
After hearing this most people would say that it's ridiculous. "How could anyone care that much about sports?"
I'm not here to justify the moron who threatens to bear hug an NFL kicker.
Let me say that again:
I'm not here to justify the moron who threatens to bear hug an NFL kicker.
But is it that crazy that people care that much about sports? It's practically programmed into fans from the moment they put on their teams jersey. Just look at how much players are paid. Look at how much tickets cost or how much apparel is. Clearly it matters. How could it not drive people crazy when a player makes a mistake?
Third times a charm: (Slightly modified)
Not here to justify morons.
People who say it's just a game are wrong. People can't play Pictionary with family members without wanting to kill each other. Family feuds are born and settled during backyard football. It isn't that strange to consider that people care way too much about professional sports.
If you miss a 32 yard field goal in your backyard...that's just a game. If you miss a 32 yard field goal in the AFC Championship Game, the stakes are a touch higher. That's why Cundiff doesn't have a whole lot on his plate other than kicking and why he probably got a scholarship and received an education on the strength of his right leg - because it is that important.
Bear hug important? Absolutely not.
But it's not just a game...
Final Thought -
Bono's actual name is Paul David Hewson and nobody has ever seen him without his sunglasses on.
No, you know what, Candyland isn't even a game, in fact it's barely even a thing, more of a fleeting thought.
That's for another time though.
I heard at work earlier this week that Billy Cundiff, the kicker for the Baltimore Ravens of NFL lore, was getting death threats. Weather that's true or not is unimportant for our purposes, in fact, to make the topic less taboo let's just say Billy was being threatened with bear hugs. Big ol' bear hugs from big ol' Ravens fans.
Let's assume that this premise is correct. For hypothetical purposes.
After hearing this most people would say that it's ridiculous. "How could anyone care that much about sports?"
I'm not here to justify the moron who threatens to bear hug an NFL kicker.
Let me say that again:
I'm not here to justify the moron who threatens to bear hug an NFL kicker.
But is it that crazy that people care that much about sports? It's practically programmed into fans from the moment they put on their teams jersey. Just look at how much players are paid. Look at how much tickets cost or how much apparel is. Clearly it matters. How could it not drive people crazy when a player makes a mistake?
Third times a charm: (Slightly modified)
Not here to justify morons.
People who say it's just a game are wrong. People can't play Pictionary with family members without wanting to kill each other. Family feuds are born and settled during backyard football. It isn't that strange to consider that people care way too much about professional sports.
If you miss a 32 yard field goal in your backyard...that's just a game. If you miss a 32 yard field goal in the AFC Championship Game, the stakes are a touch higher. That's why Cundiff doesn't have a whole lot on his plate other than kicking and why he probably got a scholarship and received an education on the strength of his right leg - because it is that important.
Bear hug important? Absolutely not.
But it's not just a game...
Final Thought -
Bono's actual name is Paul David Hewson and nobody has ever seen him without his sunglasses on.
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
At Least He Didn't Go To Texas...
For the better part of this off-season my friends and I have been anxiously watching ESPN, MLB Network, our phones, the internet, each other....for any sign of where free agent slugger Prince Fielder will land. Hoping against hope, wishing against wish that the destination would rhyme with Schmeattle.
I write this next part reluctantly and most regrettably; Prince Fielder is now a Detroit Tiger. For the low low price of nine years and 214 million dollars, the Tigers have locked up Fielder until 2020, when I presume hovering cars will exist.
Evidently last week when the Tigers DH (Victor Martinez) was training he tore his ACL, opening the door for them to sign the Prince and in turn tear the beating heart out of this Seattle fan's chest.
And now, in the only way I know how to deal with tragedies such as this, I will write an ultimately rhetorical letter to one Prince Fielder (who I assume reads this blog regularly).
As I'm sure you've assumed, this letter will be appropriately accompanied by the vocal stylings of Adele.
Play the following as you read.
Also, it couldn't hurt to read the letter in a Boston accent,
just seems cooler that way...
Prince Agamemnon Fielder (I took a shot at your middle name...warm or cold?),
You could have been something Prince, something pretty special. There's people in this town that cared about you pal, that thought you were gonna change things, thought you were gonna be somebody.
People said Safeco Field was too big for you? Said you weren't going to have the offensive output in such a large park? Nothing's too big for you, and, as a statement of fact, Safeco was built with George Kenneth Griffey Jr. in mind, a left handed power hitter not unlike yourself. Hence the placement of one, "Hit it Here Cafe" in right field, that, unlike this letter, is not a rhetorical sentiment. They do in fact want you to hit it directly into the cafe.
Additionally, one Russel Branyan had no difficulty hitting monstrous shots out of our "mammoth" park, and as you were hitting home runs out of Tiger Stadium as a nine year old, I can only assume you would have a similar output.
But you're a Tiger now huh? Following in your fathers footsteps huh?
Well in a final sentence defined by its use of commas, sarcasm, and flat out lies, I wish you nothing but the best in Detroit sir, I'm sure there are no foreseeable downsides to being the richest man in the most dangerous city in America, may your career not be plagued by injuries, unfortunately timed swarms of bees, allergic reactions to foods you normally love, and/or the random malfunctioning of all of your electronics.
Sincerely and without a tone,
A Mariners Fan
Final Thought(s) -
What is the actual point of stations like ESPN and MLB Network? I was under the impression, perhaps misguidedly, that they had actual information, not that they were simply sitting around the table shooting out hypotheticals. I do that on my own with friends.
Additionally, unless he has actual insight, I could go my entire day without hearing what mullet enthusiast Mitch Williams has to say on the topic.
I write this next part reluctantly and most regrettably; Prince Fielder is now a Detroit Tiger. For the low low price of nine years and 214 million dollars, the Tigers have locked up Fielder until 2020, when I presume hovering cars will exist.
Evidently last week when the Tigers DH (Victor Martinez) was training he tore his ACL, opening the door for them to sign the Prince and in turn tear the beating heart out of this Seattle fan's chest.
And now, in the only way I know how to deal with tragedies such as this, I will write an ultimately rhetorical letter to one Prince Fielder (who I assume reads this blog regularly).
As I'm sure you've assumed, this letter will be appropriately accompanied by the vocal stylings of Adele.
Play the following as you read.
Also, it couldn't hurt to read the letter in a Boston accent,
just seems cooler that way...
Prince Agamemnon Fielder (I took a shot at your middle name...warm or cold?),
You could have been something Prince, something pretty special. There's people in this town that cared about you pal, that thought you were gonna change things, thought you were gonna be somebody.
People said Safeco Field was too big for you? Said you weren't going to have the offensive output in such a large park? Nothing's too big for you, and, as a statement of fact, Safeco was built with George Kenneth Griffey Jr. in mind, a left handed power hitter not unlike yourself. Hence the placement of one, "Hit it Here Cafe" in right field, that, unlike this letter, is not a rhetorical sentiment. They do in fact want you to hit it directly into the cafe.
Additionally, one Russel Branyan had no difficulty hitting monstrous shots out of our "mammoth" park, and as you were hitting home runs out of Tiger Stadium as a nine year old, I can only assume you would have a similar output.
But you're a Tiger now huh? Following in your fathers footsteps huh?
Well in a final sentence defined by its use of commas, sarcasm, and flat out lies, I wish you nothing but the best in Detroit sir, I'm sure there are no foreseeable downsides to being the richest man in the most dangerous city in America, may your career not be plagued by injuries, unfortunately timed swarms of bees, allergic reactions to foods you normally love, and/or the random malfunctioning of all of your electronics.
Sincerely and without a tone,
A Mariners Fan
Final Thought(s) -
What is the actual point of stations like ESPN and MLB Network? I was under the impression, perhaps misguidedly, that they had actual information, not that they were simply sitting around the table shooting out hypotheticals. I do that on my own with friends.
Additionally, unless he has actual insight, I could go my entire day without hearing what mullet enthusiast Mitch Williams has to say on the topic.
Monday, January 23, 2012
Judging Books By Their Covers...
Ordinarily I hear you're never supposed to do this.It's frowned upon, taboo, and generally considered a misguided approach to choosing one's literary path.
In the case of Kate Beckinsale however, the approach couldn't be more accurate.
The approach is equally accurate in baseball.
Take a player, any player. Hate them, love them, never heard of them (We're excited the Mariners acquired Jon Jaso this off-season simply because we plan on calling him Jon Jaso Jinglehimer Schmidt...though it should be noted that is not also my name). It makes no difference, all that matters is that they're wearing your teams jersey. In the case of this writer...a Mariners jersey. Examples? Thought you'd never ask. I have plenty.
I supported Scott Spiezio for an entire baseball season. Loudly cheered for Jeff Weaver for another (Closed my eyes and climbed aboard the Dream Weaver train I had mistakenly hoped). Even dealt with Milton Bradley's anger issues for a season and a half, often defending him in arguments. (Truth be told he actually wasn't that bad in Seattle (anger wise). San Diego, Oakland, Texas, and Chicago may have their own story, but as far as the Emerald City's concerned...I expected worse.)
Why? Because the beauty of baseball, and sports in general is that winning is all that matters. Al Davis and later Snoop Dogg would reiterate that sentiment. As a fan I could care less whether you have a drinking problem on the three off days you have a month, if you're hitting 40 bombs a year, you have my written permission to drink a 40 bomb in the dugout.
Final Thought -
It's pretty crazy that they just told Pluto it couldn't be a planet anymore. But is that crazier than the government determining that pizza is a vegetable? And then depending on which one of those you think is crazier, is that crazier than the fact that the Three Six Mafia has an Oscar?
This is the Three Six Mafia -
In the case of Kate Beckinsale however, the approach couldn't be more accurate.
The approach is equally accurate in baseball.
Take a player, any player. Hate them, love them, never heard of them (We're excited the Mariners acquired Jon Jaso this off-season simply because we plan on calling him Jon Jaso Jinglehimer Schmidt...though it should be noted that is not also my name). It makes no difference, all that matters is that they're wearing your teams jersey. In the case of this writer...a Mariners jersey. Examples? Thought you'd never ask. I have plenty.
I supported Scott Spiezio for an entire baseball season. Loudly cheered for Jeff Weaver for another (Closed my eyes and climbed aboard the Dream Weaver train I had mistakenly hoped). Even dealt with Milton Bradley's anger issues for a season and a half, often defending him in arguments. (Truth be told he actually wasn't that bad in Seattle (anger wise). San Diego, Oakland, Texas, and Chicago may have their own story, but as far as the Emerald City's concerned...I expected worse.)
Why? Because the beauty of baseball, and sports in general is that winning is all that matters. Al Davis and later Snoop Dogg would reiterate that sentiment. As a fan I could care less whether you have a drinking problem on the three off days you have a month, if you're hitting 40 bombs a year, you have my written permission to drink a 40 bomb in the dugout.
Final Thought -
It's pretty crazy that they just told Pluto it couldn't be a planet anymore. But is that crazier than the government determining that pizza is a vegetable? And then depending on which one of those you think is crazier, is that crazier than the fact that the Three Six Mafia has an Oscar?
This is the Three Six Mafia -
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Thursday, January 19, 2012
The Greatest Job Ever...
When people are young they often fantasize about what they would like to do when they "grow up", for some this is an emotional process, for others a more literal procedure during which they gain both age and wisdom. Regardless of the route, everyone fantasizes about achieving something in their coming years.
I personally wanted to be a cartoonist, then an actor, then a comedian.
Lots of kids want to be superheroes, or firemen, or police officers.
While I never actually wanted to be him, I always thought the Ultimate Warrior was pretty awesome.
As I've grown older however, I can tell you that the greatest job ever would be a being a closer in Major League Baseball. Provided of course that you have the high 90's fastball and appropriate facial hair to compete for such a job.
Side Note: Why Brian Wilson of the San Fransisco
Giants doesn't come out to the clip from Castaway of
Tom Hanks yelling: "Wiiiillllsooooon!!!" and crying...
is beyond me...
Why a closer? It would be quicker to tell you why not, but I'll entertain my own rhetorical question briefly: First, you work for one inning a game...maybe. Second, you hardly ever work more than two days in a row.Third, if you saved (that is, closed out the last inning as to preserve your teams victory) only a third of the games in a season you would be statistically one of the greatest closers ever. Fourth, you get payed millions of dollars. And fifth, (and most importantly) you get entrance music
It's like being a wrestler without the questionable spandex, face paint, and body slams.
Had I been blessed with the ability to throw a baseball harder than 48 mph (a rough estimate, let's hope I'm guessing low) I would be living that dream.
But alas, life had different plans for me.
Final Thought -
Choose your entrance music carefully. Avoid things like Disturbed, Slipknot, and The Insane Clown Posse. The safest bet? Anything by AC/DC.
I personally wanted to be a cartoonist, then an actor, then a comedian.
Lots of kids want to be superheroes, or firemen, or police officers.
While I never actually wanted to be him, I always thought the Ultimate Warrior was pretty awesome.
As I've grown older however, I can tell you that the greatest job ever would be a being a closer in Major League Baseball. Provided of course that you have the high 90's fastball and appropriate facial hair to compete for such a job.
Giants doesn't come out to the clip from Castaway of
Tom Hanks yelling: "Wiiiillllsooooon!!!" and crying...
is beyond me...
Why a closer? It would be quicker to tell you why not, but I'll entertain my own rhetorical question briefly: First, you work for one inning a game...maybe. Second, you hardly ever work more than two days in a row.Third, if you saved (that is, closed out the last inning as to preserve your teams victory) only a third of the games in a season you would be statistically one of the greatest closers ever. Fourth, you get payed millions of dollars. And fifth, (and most importantly) you get entrance music
It's like being a wrestler without the questionable spandex, face paint, and body slams.
Had I been blessed with the ability to throw a baseball harder than 48 mph (a rough estimate, let's hope I'm guessing low) I would be living that dream.
But alas, life had different plans for me.
Final Thought -
Choose your entrance music carefully. Avoid things like Disturbed, Slipknot, and The Insane Clown Posse. The safest bet? Anything by AC/DC.
Sunday, January 15, 2012
Friday, January 13, 2012
Time Will Tell...
Earlier tonight the Seattle Mariners traded their number two pitcher and 22 year old phenom Michael Pineda to the dreaded, the despised, the unfortunate love child of bad and evil...the New York Yankees.
In return the Mariners received another 22 year old potential phenom in one Jesus Montero, a catching prospect.
The ramifications of this trade could potentially be heard for years to come, and appropriately time is likely the only apt judge for who will be the real winners of this swap. I could tell you what I think of it, but I'm honestly not sure yet, and even when I decide, will likely be wrong.
Here's something I do know:
Like trading Pokemon cards when you were younger or fantasy players when your older, even somewhat like dating...beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Should both players pan out then both teams win as each team gets what they need in exchange for what they can afford to give up.
I myself never obtained a Charizard card though I knew at least two people who had several. Name a card, any card, and I'll trade it to you for Charizard. On the other hand those who had plenty of them didn't hold them at nearly as high of a premium as I.
It makes perfect sense.
I know very little for certain, what I do know is that the Mariners had pitching to burn and an offense that couldn't have been farther from on fire. Hopefully Montero is the Mariners Charizard.
Hopefully.
Final Thought -
It is strange to think that I am now forced to hate Michael Pineda. As with dating, had circumstances been different, had the timing been better...I think we could have really had something special.Unlike dating however, it wasn't me...it was him.
Pinstripes aren't flattering, ask Bartolo Colon.
Additional Final Thought -
I don't want to date Michael Pineda.
Anymore.
In return the Mariners received another 22 year old potential phenom in one Jesus Montero, a catching prospect.
The ramifications of this trade could potentially be heard for years to come, and appropriately time is likely the only apt judge for who will be the real winners of this swap. I could tell you what I think of it, but I'm honestly not sure yet, and even when I decide, will likely be wrong.
Here's something I do know:
Like trading Pokemon cards when you were younger or fantasy players when your older, even somewhat like dating...beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Should both players pan out then both teams win as each team gets what they need in exchange for what they can afford to give up.
I myself never obtained a Charizard card though I knew at least two people who had several. Name a card, any card, and I'll trade it to you for Charizard. On the other hand those who had plenty of them didn't hold them at nearly as high of a premium as I.
It makes perfect sense.
I know very little for certain, what I do know is that the Mariners had pitching to burn and an offense that couldn't have been farther from on fire. Hopefully Montero is the Mariners Charizard.
Hopefully.
Final Thought -
It is strange to think that I am now forced to hate Michael Pineda. As with dating, had circumstances been different, had the timing been better...I think we could have really had something special.Unlike dating however, it wasn't me...it was him.
Pinstripes aren't flattering, ask Bartolo Colon.
Additional Final Thought -
I don't want to date Michael Pineda.
Anymore.
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Somebody's Always Lying...
Every Major League Baseball Team thanks their fans at the end of every season, regardless of that season's outcome, for being "The Best Fan's In Baseball", essentially thanking each and everyone of them, not so personally for their monetary contribution to ownership over the past 6-7 months.
It's the one thing that I'm certain all 30 teams have in common.
Like an over-arrogant child handing a mug to their Dad on father's day, assuming that against all odds and probability they have found the one father that "out-dad's" the rest of them.
Or like a new set of parents happily claiming their child is the cutest in the whole hospital, or classroom, or world. They can't all be telling the truth.
Some babies are ugly, that's a fact. Newborns often look purple, mauve, or some variation of burnt sienna. I myself was a tinted yellow color. Now I had jaundice, but the fact remains that I more closely resembled an alien life form than a puppy. Puppies in this instance being cute while alien life forms are often described as unfortunate looking or at the very least startling.
What does all of this have to do with baseball? Who knows. What did "Rosebud" have to do with Citizen Kane when it was all said and done? The answer to both of those questions is "I'm not sure."
Somebody probably knows, I'm simply not that person.
Here's the point, or at the very least, a point:
If you're going to do me the discourtesy as a franchise of not making the playoffs for a decade you could at least do me the solid of not insulting my intelligence by calling myself as well as thousands (millions?) of other fans, the greatest in the game.
My brother and I went to a game in April last season where the attendance was just shy of 13 thousand, that's about 30 thousand short of what the stadium holds.
Final Thought -
Is it the responsibility of the fan to show up and support in both good times and bad? Or rather the responsibility of the franchise to put a product on the field that causes the fan to take notice?
Fence sitters welcome...and probably accurate.
It's the one thing that I'm certain all 30 teams have in common.
Or like a new set of parents happily claiming their child is the cutest in the whole hospital, or classroom, or world. They can't all be telling the truth.
Some babies are ugly, that's a fact. Newborns often look purple, mauve, or some variation of burnt sienna. I myself was a tinted yellow color. Now I had jaundice, but the fact remains that I more closely resembled an alien life form than a puppy. Puppies in this instance being cute while alien life forms are often described as unfortunate looking or at the very least startling.
What does all of this have to do with baseball? Who knows. What did "Rosebud" have to do with Citizen Kane when it was all said and done? The answer to both of those questions is "I'm not sure."
Somebody probably knows, I'm simply not that person.
Here's the point, or at the very least, a point:
If you're going to do me the discourtesy as a franchise of not making the playoffs for a decade you could at least do me the solid of not insulting my intelligence by calling myself as well as thousands (millions?) of other fans, the greatest in the game.
My brother and I went to a game in April last season where the attendance was just shy of 13 thousand, that's about 30 thousand short of what the stadium holds.
Final Thought -
Is it the responsibility of the fan to show up and support in both good times and bad? Or rather the responsibility of the franchise to put a product on the field that causes the fan to take notice?
Fence sitters welcome...and probably accurate.
Monday, January 9, 2012
You Always Remember Your First...
There are two schools of thought. The first school believes you should dip your toe into the water before you get into the pool, preparing yourself both mentally and physically for the temperature of the water. The second school of thought says you should simply jump in, throwing caution to the wind and your body into the pool. Valedictorians of this second school employ the cannon ball as a means of entry. I prescribe to the second school's way of thinking.
In this instance this blog would be the pool.
In 2001 the Seattle Mariners won 116 games. That's tied for the most games that any team has won in any season of any sport...ever.
Alright, full disclosure I didn't look that last part up.
But the rest was all fact, and since that time they have yet to return to the playoffs. Since 2001.
Think about that...think about it long, think about it hard. How old were you in 2001? Probably younger than you are now. How old were your parents? More than likely also younger.
Fact -
In 2001 America had never had a Cherry Dr. Pepper...or a black president.
The fact is it's been too long, and this blog will focus on that tragedy. The tragedy that the Seattle Mariners have lived in a sad neighborhood named mediocrity for the better part of the last decade.
Sad Face Emoticon.
What should you expect from this blog?
Reading this blog should entertain you. If it doesn't I've missed the mark. While the focus will be baseball, I shan't be afraid to explore other avenues and genres of writing in an effort to keep both myself and my reader entertained. Feel free to offer your insights (they are both encouraged and necessary from what I read about blogs). As well as anything else that's on your mind. Things like jokes, riddles, and general musings surrounding topics of the day are always appreciated.
Final Thought -
The Seattle Mariners are the greatest baseball team on the face of the Earth...and for that, I will make no apologies.
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